I stood alone in church today. It was a strange feeling. I usually have my husband at my side, my 7 year old singing loudly next to me, my 4 year old wiggling on a chair or on the floor. I am usually interrupted with requests for bathroom breaks. My attention gets sidetracked with the sound of rustling paper and my need to quiet a child. But this morning it was just me. My husband home with a feverish child, my youngest sitting quiet during singing and then skipping off to children’s church.
The youth group was leading worship so we rocked out to some new songs. There I stood – free to lift my hands, bow my head, sway my body. No little arms or legs entangling mine. Our pastor preached a sermon that stirred my soul, and I actually listened the whole way through. After church I reflexively looked around to gather all the paraphernalia that comes with making it through a church service with two young children only to realize it was just my purse and my Bible. I felt strangely light.
I think God knew I needed the solitude during worship this morning. I love my family and worshiping together on Sunday morning is a highlight of the week for me. But to just sit and soak in God’s presence was a gift. Aaron leaves tomorrow morning to chaperon a youth group camp. Jeremiah was supposed to start sports day camp tomorrow but he has a fever and will stay home for another day of rest. I am not letting myself think of a week with Aaron gone and both boys home all day. But that may be how the week turns out.
I think God knew the needs of my introverted heart and gave me the gift of an hour and a half spent in His presence with no distractions. He knew I needed to be filled up again. I needed to hear His voice through song and spoken word. I needed the encouragement that He is here and He will give me what I need. I needed the reminder that there is eternal perspective in the midst of the daily challenges.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. -Psalm 25:4-5 (From our call to worship on Sunday morning.)
There is the reminder again, that in waiting and rest comes the knowledge of God. I won’t hear His voice or know His path unless I can still myself, stop the striving and doing and pulling myself up by my own boot-straps. So now on this Monday morning I take a deep breath and wait…knowing He has promised to come…