This was my early birthday gift to myself. I rarely buy myself anything. And after a recent foray into the word of simplification and minimization I don’t just buy accessories anymore. Yet when I saw this pop up on the Etsy Adopt Shoppe it just spoke to me. It has a comforting weightiness. I feel its weight around my neck and I finger it often. I don’t think the tear drop shape is a coincidence.
Being still does not come naturally to me. I want to fix. I want to plan. I want to iron out details. I want to rage and cry and question. I want to command and demand. I want to talk through every minute possibility. I want to forge ahead. I absolutely do not want to wait.
As we wait (again) for a referral I have to remind myself to be still.
As I grieve the loss of 2 children I still hold in my heart I have to remind myself to be still.
As I wonder and wait and worry I have to constantly remind myself to be still.
As I am tempted to take my emotional agitation out on my 2 boys I have to remind myself to be still.
This is the work of faith, the growing and building of the muscles of trust in my sovereign God. Like the disciples who were in the boat with Jesus in the middle of the storm my knee jerk reaction is to fret and cry out, “Jesus! Do you not see what is going on here?! Do you not see that I am perishing?!” I forget the power of my Jesus. I take my eyes off of him and see only the waves and the wind. I forget that this Jesus, who can speak and control the elements, loves me. His words to the disciples sear my heart too, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”
So I wear this trinket around my neck. When the fear and doubt begin to rise I finger it. I know I can be still because my God has every step mapped out and His love for me is more than I can even imagine.