Adoption & Mr Toads Wild Ride

The process of adoption is often referred to as a roller coaster ride. In a way that is accurate. In our last experience I did feel my emotion’s rising and plunging like a roller coaster. That feeling of excitement and adrenaline, mixed with a healthy dose of fear, that came with the initial referral. The lighting fast up, down, all-around of reviewing records, meeting the kids, hearing about the case, imagining the future. Then the final plunge and sudden stop when everything fell apart. The shaky sensation of trying to get your land legs back when the ride is done. Mentally trying to prepare for the next roller coaster to come.

The other day though I realized that the adoption process is also like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. You know, the ride that jerks you around from one scene to the next with no warning or preparation. There isn’t really an up and down but quick shifts in scenery and circumstance that leave you with a bit of whiplash.

The reason I thought this is because a message popped up on my Facebook a few days ago. A friend had a friend who is pregnant, DFCS is involved and the baby will be removed from her at birth. The question, would we consider adopting the baby?

That was the only information I had. Two quick lines popping up on Facebook and my whole life felt jerked and whipped around from the scene we had been in to a completely different one.

Of course we are open to more information. I am awaiting a phone call that will give us more information and then we will proceed (or not), cautiously from there. But – we had never considered adopting an infant. The nature of adopting through the foster care system is that it is extremely rare to adopt an infant. We knew that. We aren’t really baby people. We like sleeping through the night. I like that my kids are out of diapers and we are beyond planning our schedule around 2 naps a day. We don’t have anything for an infant in our house. We honestly had no desire to adopt an infant. In our training class we were asked to draw our “ideal” child. I drew a brother and sister, between the ages of 2-6, with dark hair and eyes. So the idea of an infant was not in our heads. At all. So you can imagine the whiplash. The jerking from imagining our family adding one to two toddlers or elementary school aged children to imagining our family adding an infant.

But here we are. A few quick lines on my computer screen and the possibility of an infant being added to our family.

I feel much more calm this time than I did last time. I have next to no information. I have no idea how this whole thing is going to pan out. But interestingly enough I have not been thinking about it that much. I guess our last experience taught me more about taking one day at a time. Right now, I have the information I have. There is no need for me to get all caught up in imagining what could be. In our last experience I lost a lot of sleep and was basically unable to think about anything else. My mind is not racing the same way this time as it did last time. There is just too little information and too many variables. It could be that my friend doesn’t get any more information and this whole thing fizzles. It could be that we get more information, decide to pursue and still the whole thing fizzles. It could be that we get more information, decide to pursue, and end up adopting the baby. I have no idea. And right now I am surprisingly calm about the whole thing.

Although I will say that today as I was cleaning out the boys summer clothes I was not sure if I should hang on to the 4T clothes, just in case. But if we got an infant I wouldn’t need them… Mr Toad’s Wild Ride indeed.

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