Two nights ago my brother and I were talking. He was asking me about the adoption process and where we were now that the other placement had fallen through. I was honestly pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. I felt pretty emotionally numb and just told him that we were back in the waiting phase. Which for me is really the hardest. I honestly at that point felt a lack of interest in the whole thing.
Last night our case worker dropped by unannounced. She wanted to talk to us about a 2 year old boy who needed a foster-to-adopt home. He is still visiting with his birth mother, but DFCS is planning on petitioning the court to change the case plan to adoption.
We were a bit shell shocked and were probably looking at her with blank stares. We kind of hemmed and hawed, told her to give us a night to think about it and we would call her back. We talked about it. We decided that if we were going to pursue this we would have to think of it as a straight foster care placement. But we decided to go ahead and take the next step.
A conversation with our case worker this morning revealed the county who has custody of him wants to chose a family who will make the best match, since they anticipate this being an adoptive placement. Our home study will be submitted a long with 5-7 other home studies. If we are chosen then we will arrange a staffing with the county and make our final decision after the staffing.
So here we are again. Waiting.
I feel relatively calm. In many ways this sounds like an ideal match. But only God knows. If we get chosen, we take the next steps. If not, we go back to waiting again.
I am doing better this time at focusing on one day at a time. I have only briefly allowed my mind to consider what it would be like to have a 2 year old boy here. Then I put it out of my mind and moved on. I can’t control if we get picked or not, so I have to trust (again) that God has this whole thing mapped out.