Being honest, the battle in my mind

In the interest of honesty, let me say that today I am having quite the battle in my mind.

On the one hand my mind wants to trust, rest, focus on only today. On the other hand my mind wants to race ahead, control, plan. Today I feel like the battle is especially fierce.

I find the position we are in to be very nebulous. On the one hand we know that DFCS wants to have a meeting with us and possibly place a child with us. On the other hand that meeting has not yet been scheduled and until that happens and we get the final word we really can’t assume anything. Last night I talked to someone who had worked with the same county – they had a meeting scheduled for a possible placement but were never called back and the child was placed with someone else. Of course, my heart sunk, and my mind started racing. And the battle began.

I feel like if this placement is a good possibility then I should start to do some planning, cleaning, organizing, scheduling. But I learned the hard way last time that letting my mind go down that road leads to some attachment on my part and disappointment should the placement not occur. So do I start planning and take the emotional hit if it doesn’t work out? Or do I work really hard to squelch the thoughts in my head and not do anything until we know for sure? Also, I know DFCS. I used to be a DFCS worker. I know that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. So do I keep calling our worker? Can I be politely squeaky? If this child is to be placed with us, the sooner that happens the better. Right?

This morning I texted a friend and asked her to pray for me. I need the Holy Spirit to help me be still. I need him to show me how to walk this path with peace and wisdom.
***Update: After I wrote this got an email scheduling a meeting with DFCS for next Thursday afternoon.


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