One of the greatest struggles of my spiritual life is truly understanding that nothing I do can add or take away from God’s love for me. I am a Pharisee by nature. It is second nature for me to turn grace into legalism and rule keeping. Ever since we decided not to continue with the placement of the little S boy I have battled guilt. How can God love me if I couldn’t do this one thing that I had always advocated for with such passion? I have had wrestling matches in my heart. There has been a fierce struggle for me to be still before God and trust His unconditional love.
At the concert this past Sunday night we were introduced to a new band: Pas Neos. They started playing this song, Nor Do I Condemn You and I felt undone. I stood and the music washed over me. The words a balm to my soul. Just like the woman accused of adultery, whom Jesus dealt with so tenderly, I am not condemned. God continues to deal with me tenderly. I feel the Spirit speaking to my soul, reminding me that nothing I do (or don’t do) can take away one ounce of His love for me. If I adopted 100 kids, He loves me. If I adopt no kids, He loves me.
As they repeated the last line, I’ve made My face to shine – My countenance; your guiding light. I am the Way, the Truth, the Life I felt truth and comfort and a great deal of peace. I am learning to sit still in God’s presence. To accept His love with no strings attached. To let go of my performance as “a good Christian.” To be who I am, who He made me to be, before Him. His countenance and face can be my guiding light and I can be before Him without fear or shame.
Nor Do I Condemn You (Jn. 8:3-12, 14:6)
I see your soul, I see your guilt. I’ve seen every circumstance that had its hand in how you were built. You’re emptied out – a hollow frame. All your hope has gone along with any love to claim.
And in your heart you wish for death – I’m grieved you find only pain and cruelty in every single breath. Rise again up off the ground – all the stones lie around with no accuser to be found.
Your joy has come like the rising sun. I leave the ninety-nine every time to find the one. Singing comes in the new day’s warmth when passing night unveils your fire-tried form.
I’ve made My face to shine – My countenance; your guiding light. I am the Way, the Truth, the Life.
Written by Pas Neos. Album: The Wheat and the Tares