I saw the word for today and wanted to run away from it. Dive.
It is probably supposed to inspire musings about fearlessness, trust, living wide open. I get that. There are times in my life when I have needed to be inspired to just hold my breath and take the plunge. But lately that well intended mantra, “Just dive in!” “Just trust!” “Just be fearless!” has caused me a lot of anxiety. I have used it to judge myself as somehow less-than. I have turned the encouragement into law. Because in a specific situation recently I didn’t just dive in, and I believe that I made the right decision to not dive in, but I still beat myself up about it.
Would a better person have taken the plunge? Did I not trust enough? Am I not fearless enough? Do I not love enough?
As I am learning to listen to the Holy Spirit I am realizing that sometimes I need to hold my breath, take a wild leap, and dive. There are other times when I need to wait, and rest, and test the waters. Both are okay. Both take a special kind of bravery.