birthday 011

Note: I wrote this in November around the time of my birthday.

Yesterday, on my 37th birthday, I wanted to celebrate with other people. I wanted to be surrounded by the people who know me best and love me anyway. I wanted to celebrate with the people who knew what a difficult year it had been for me and who had prayed me through. Obviously not all of those people could be there but it was still a joy to have dinner with some of our most loved people. Six kids sat at one end of the table laughing, coloring, and generally making a glorious mess. One baby sat in her highchair amusing us with her antics. Six adults sat talking of things big and small.

This has been a difficult year for me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A year ago I had a certain idea of who I was and what the year would hold. A year later I am a different person looking back on a year that did not unfold as I had expected. Not long after my 36th birthday I felt like the pieces of myself were spread like a puzzle at my feet and I had no idea how to reassemble them. I had no idea what the picture of me would look like if it ever did get reassembled.

This past year has taught me a lot about myself. It has taught me how to stop striving. It has taught me how to take one day at a time. It has humbled me. It has made me more tender. It has made me more honest with myself.

I am thankful for all I have learned in the past year. But I am ready to move on. I am ready for some calm and peace. I am ready to take what this challenging year has taught me and enjoy this next year!