Day 16 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writing
Today’s Prompt: Green
I struggle a lot with jealousy. I am constantly evaluating myself against someone else and finding myself wanting. I wish I could be patient and soft spoken like my friend over there. I wish I could be skinny, pretty, and effortlessly fashionable like that other friend. I wish I was better at handling my finances like this friend. I wish I was crafty like that friend. I wish I could decorate my house as nicely as that friend. I wish I was wise and good at talking to people like that woman I see in church. I wish I had as many friends as her. I wish I was as organized and together as her. I wish I could handle noise and chaos and many children like that friend. You get the picture.
I don’t get jealous about things others have (I am too practical for that) but I do get jealous of personality traits and characteristics that I see in others. And while a certain amount of self-evaluation and critique is good, it is not healthy when it crosses over into me not being able to be happy with the person God created me to be. Over the past few years I have been asking God to show me my own unique gifts and talents and help me to find joy in doing the things He created me to do.
Psalm 139 says:
O Lord! You have searched me and known me!
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
As I struggled over the past few years with things I was not able to do, these verses reminded me that God made me! He put my personality together. My unique gifts and desires are not a surprise to him. I am working on enjoying who I am, without guilt, because God enjoys me.
God enjoys you to. Just as you are. I hope you are able to enjoy who you are as well.
I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge. Click here to see the whole series in this challenge so far.
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