Day 9 of 31 Days of 5 Minutes of Free Writing. Today I link up with other Five Minute Friday writers. Check out what they have to say about trust here.
Today’s Prompt: Trust
“I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim in.” – Adele
There are times when the greatest challenge for me in our marriage is trusting my husband to care for my heart. My husband is a good man. He is loyal, dependable, patient, and hard working. He would never, ever willingly hurt me. But we have different methods of communicating and there have been times when I felt lonely and distant.
In our Community Group discussion last week we were talking about healthy anger and conflict. One wife asked, “But what do you do when one of you wants to deal with the conflict and one of you is an avoider?” Here is what I shared:
I cannot change the heart of my husband. I cannot be the Holy Spirit in his life. I used to rail against the injustice of feeling wronged and knowing that we weren’t going to “talk it out.” I used to sulk in silence, put up walls, punish him (and myself) by staying cold and distant. Guess how well that worked out for me?
One of the scariest things I have ever done is say this “Honey, I still feel very hurt about ——. But I choose to love you and treat you lovingly and respectfully. It would mean a lot to me if you would think about this and approach me to talk about it at some point in the future.” And then leave the rest up to God.
It is scary because it goes against everything in my being that tells me I should stand up for myself. It goes against everything in me that is screaming for fairness. It goes against everything in me that wants to punish when I have been hurt. But every single time I have willingly surrendered my right and chosen to act lovingly and respectfully even when I have been hurt I have seen God change the heart of my husband. This is not some magic form of manipulation. It is watching the Holy Spirit answer my prayers as I chose to be obedient.
We are approaching 15 years of marriage and just recently our relationship has experienced new growth. I am in awe as I see changes in me and in my husband. He claimed my heart almost 20 years ago when we started dating and he continues to rise to the challenge of claiming and nurturing it as we live this life together.